Beyond Today

Hi Readers,
I know this is very rair for me to write two post in the month, but I came across two circumstances that I  thought were totally blog worthy, and they relate to each other. 
So here they are.
One day last week, Micheal's family who was my coach and friend for the first two years of me living on my own, brought some of his books to the lobby because they wanted to help keep his memory and legacy alive and most importantly his mission to help others with disabilities. 
To learn more about Michael, and his book go to my post and title Unforgotton Hero. 
It all started when my assistant went down for a break and said there were a bunch of books in the lobby in memory of Micheal. I decided to grab one for myself because mine was torn up. I was so happy it was like a gift was given to me. Once again and I felt like he was still apart of the building. Then a few days later, I got in a disagreement with someone at the purple pad. I was having a very difficult and stressful day, but then I thought of the books. What do I want to be remembered for?
Do I want to be remembered  as person who cannot express her needs?
Or do I want to be remembered as a eloquent speaker, who helps others?
Do I want to be remembered as someone who always complains about her day to day struggles?
Or do I want to be remembered as someone that shacks it off and keeps dancing?
What do I want my legacy to be?
Just these simple positive thoughts, made the whole rest of my week a lot better, and that got me thinking again, even Michael's spirit is talking to me and telling me, the appropriate direction to turn. 
This pass weekend, an example of legacy came up again. 
My brother and I were in a corn maze at an apple orchard. He was very helpful to me, and with him you never know whether he's going to be helpful or not. But it was very cool. It was like he didn't have a disability. He helped me through the narrow spots, without being frustrated or complaining to much. He took the leaves out of my chair when he noticed that they were getting stuck.When I told him Brian we need to slow down because my chair is stuck, he pushed me out right away without any hesitation. 
When my chair malfunctioned at the very end of the corn maze, he waited patiently for me to fix it before going on any further. The only time, he went ahead of me, during the maze was if there was an easier way for my chair to get through. 
He did this a couple of times, but each time, he returned with a smile and said okay I got this. The experience of the corn maze was something we will never forget. 
This is what I believe, my brother wants to be remembered for a kind, compassionate, person who likes a challenge and a bit of adventure. 
I hope that more people will get to see these sides of him because they are what make him very special to me.
This is what I believe he wants to be remembered for. 
So my question to you is: What do you want to be remembered for? What is your legacy?
Happy to be out of the corn maze, safe and sound at the purple pad.
Jessi

A Fresh Start

I took a month off writing because I've had alot of thoughts going on in my head, and I wanted to take a break to reflect on them before writing about them. 
In this post I will discuss different philosophy's that I have developed over the past year. As a result of me living on my own for six years .
The first one is "Never Break Tradition. 
For years and years, my friend Paula has been visiting me every summer and I have been going to her place every New Years. But this year, the week that she was suppose to come in, was the week after Tori moved out and things were just crazy. So I told her to come two weeks later, which was Labor Day weekend. I had everything planned out and things finally calmed down here, so I thought it would be perfect. But the Wednesday before, she was suppose to arrive the thing that locked me in the car, broke down and therefor that means I had to use the straps that normally lock her in when she is visiting. We were both devastated, but one day I had an idea. I was going to tell her, that she had a package coming on Saturday and she had to be home at a certain time to receive it. Then Saturday came along, and my car broke down. Shoot another conflict in my plans, but luckily we were able to fix it and I have a gullible enough friend, and she believes that packages come on Sunday, so when I told her that it would be a day late, she didn't even question it. Hour by hour, that day I was telling her from the car, how far away the package was and even though, my visit was not even for 24 hours, we were so thrilled to see each other and not break tradition. It was something we will never forget and a great way to end my year. 
I say My Year because when you are Jewish, you have two New Years, but the Jewish one is really not about partying it is about reflecting on the year as a whole and how you can make your life as well as other people's lives around you better. We talk alot about improving ourselves. And that is what made me come up with these philosophy's. 
My second philosophy, fits right into religion.
I'm not telling you what religion to be, or how to believe I'm just telling you that at the end of last year meaning December, I was really struggling to find meaning in my life. Everything felt scattered, like a bunch of puzzle pieces. I believe, I even wrote about them in another post and  realized that maybe going back to Synagogue would not necessarily give me the answers I needed, but give me strength. 
Since last December, even though this has been a difficult year for me, I notice that on the weeks that I go to Temple wether it is my new ethics class, or just plain services, I feel stronger and more together. I feel like it's easier to take on the week. 
My advise to you is to Find Something That Gives You Strength and Stick To It. 
My third philosophy is the hardest one yet and one that I would be working on all year to overcome. But with the spiritual strength, my love of dance, supportive Family and Friends I'm determined to make this one happen because it will make my whole life alot easier.
I am very grateful for what I have in my life, but when there is something going on, that I really don't agree with, it is hard for me to be grateful for what I have in my life while excepting what is. Each day I will examine the day and try to find away to make myself happy, to that I can except what is.
I know this won't happen overnight and that is why I'm giving myself a whole year to work on what right now seems like a overwhelming goal. 
If you have an overwhelming goal that you would like help with, I would be more than happy to help you as well because I know you will help me with mine. It is one of the hardest things that I have ever done, but I think now that I am 28 I am ready to take on this challenge. I also feel like I can take on this challenge because I was given the birthday of October 2nd, which is around the Jewish New Year which makes me feel like I have a double New Year. 
As Helen Keeler say's "Alone we can do so little, together we can do so much."
Much Love, Jessi 

Keep Going

My life has been nothing but crazy lately but the breaths in between have been amazing. Imagine yourself on a train or spinning around in a circle. Your eyes are closed and you feel so overwhelmed. You think, oh this is just temporary I hope. But day after day the same thing happens again, and more things keep testing you to see if you  can handle them. That is how my life has been lately. A little over two weeks ago, Tori my roommate found out that she is moving to Wisconsin. I am very happy for her that she is now following her dreams but she is not a room away from me, and I keep thinking she is going on a vacation and she is coming back in few days. I also have had a lot of assistance changes at the Purple Pad. At the very last minute, people have been having to fill in with not much training or notice, which has been very stressful for me. Also, each of them has different personalities, which is another reason why it has been so difficult. But it has taught me a lot about how you can’t always plan for everything in life. I have had assistants living on my own for almost six years now. But the abundance of people in personalities has just gotten to me this month. On top of it all, my little Teddy has had to go to my Mom’s house because of behavioral issues. So I hope one day, he can return to the Purple Pad. I think that is one of the reasons my life has been crazy. I’ve almost always had a dog to comfort me during difficult time and I don’t have it right now.

So it’s been nuts but in between all this craziness, I have enjoyed creating dances with my dance partner. We have created memories that I will never forget. Our relationship was just recently mentioned in the Oak Park newspaper. We are helping to teach the world that everyone can dance.

This has been a perfect month of really realizing the important things in life, like family because I had a lot of disagreements whether or not I should move to Oak Park because of my love for that community but then I have finally realized that I will be so far away from my family, and family is important. It is what keeps you strong and keeps you grounded.

Another breath or special memory I will never forget about this summer is reconnecting with my friend Annie. We met at the Dunkin workshop last summer and for whatever reason, I thought I would never see her again because she lives in Virginia, and I thought we would just be facebook friends until the end of time. But surprisingly or not, I saw that she had returned to the Humphrey workshop as well, and it was such a lovely surprise. So even though this month has been very difficult for me, I will always cherish the memories that have been created.  I know all of my readers have my back.  So my message to you is simply this, "no matter what obstacles you face, keep going" there is always a pot at the end of the rainbow. even if that pot is really far away. Thank you very much you are a big part of why I keep going.  To read the article I mentioned and another reason why I keep going please go to  http://www.oakpark.com/news/articles/7-29-2014/friends-and-neighbors:-integrated-dance/ and type in intergrated dance. love you all 
-jessi

Making Memories

As all of you know, on the Fourth of July, our Independence Day occurred. Part of discovering my independence was adapting to having assistants. I knew I needed assistants to live a successful life, but  I like to spend the Fourth of July with my family each year. This year, I went on a bike ride with my dad and then we met up with my brother and we went kayaking for the first time. My brother and I thought the experience was miraculous and then we had dinner with my mom and saw fireworks. It was a perfect way to celebrate the day. There are only a few  things  my brother really likes  so when he said I really liked kayaking, it was so relaxing. I was so happy to hear this.

Over the past few months, I have been struggling to find good assistants which unfortunately is nothing new. The good ones have helped, stepped up and have gone above and beyond what I could ask for. One of them is Tori, who you all know is my roommate. Tori will be leaving at the end of the month. Her playfulness is what makes her so good as an assistant and friend, along with her sense of commitment. I will miss her as being my roommate we have so many funny stories over the past two years that I couldn't count them if i tried.  the good news is that she will remain in my life. She will continue to be one of my assistants until further notice. I am grateful for this because we can continue to allow our friendship to grow.

Another thing I have discovered about my independence is that like any other twenty-seven year old, I have dreams, but sometimes these dreams do not come true immediately. I want to move to Oak Park because my dance and spiritual communities are there. As you grow up, you realize that what you want to happen does not always happen as fast as you want. But, when it does, I will be extremely thrilled because I will feel even that much more independent. Also, a few months ago in a previous post I talked about having some free time for myself and some time away from my assistant's. Ever since that entry, the time away from my assistants has been wonderful and made me feel that much more independent. I hope you all had a nice Fourth of July and remember, everyone has their own form of independence. 

-Jessi

P.S. -  For those of you who are wondering, when I move to Oak Park my room will still be purple. 

Follow Your Heart

In life, you are faced with choices, and when you are an adult sometimes it can be hard because your parents are not always there to help you decide what the right choice would be. They say when you are confused to follow your heart. This might sound cliché, but it was absolutely true for this month for me.

I was faced with two choices: 1. To go to camp 2. To dance. It might seem like a simple answer, but both of these things bring me comfort and enjoyment. After several days of contemplating the issue, and being concerned about what the right decision would be. I decided by the advice of one of my friends to give myself a day to think about it. I did, and I truly believe I gave myself a day to think about it. I not only did that, but I said to myself, “Do what your heart is telling you to do”.

And in this circumstance, my heart was telling me to dance. Even though I am not going to camp this summer, I will still be going to Fall Weekend, which is a weekened where I can spend time with some camp friends. You might say, “Jess, but you only get a chance to go to camp once a year, and you dance every week”. That was something I considered, too, but then I thought about how as a sit-down/wheelchair dancer, I do not get as many opportunities to perform as the stand-up dancers do. I knew my dance partner would be leaving for college in a few years and I didn’t know how many more opportunities we would have to spread the message of freedom of dance for all people with all abilities. 

So, that is why I believe my heart took over and told me to dance, because when I finally made my decision to perform this summer it was no longer coming from my head. My body just had an instinct telling me “You need to do this. This is an opportunity that you do not want to miss”.

I will be performing on July 19^th at the Disability Pride Parade downtown and at my dance studio in Oak Park, the Academy of Movement and Music on July 26^th and 27^th.

I don’t know how many other times I will get this strong feeling of urgency in my life, but my advice to you is…When and if you ever get a it, follow your heart, because if you don’t you may be missing out on experiences you wish you hadn’t!

-Jessi

P.S. - My friend Chava had her baby today! Mazel tov to her and her family and I know she will teach her daughter to follow her heart!

Food For Thought

As most of you know, I usually write this blog to appeal to all types of people: my friends, my family, and people who have disabilities and have questions about living on their own despite having disabilities. But this month’s post is mainly for people with disabilities.

Even though I have been living on my own for 5 years with assistants and have been writing about the adventures both good and bad, there are some weeks that I still struggle with the very basic part of living on my own, and that is having an assistant.

Sometimes, it has nothing to do with them, but I just need my own space and time to chill out. Other times, one thing gets me upset about the fact that I need them generally and my whole day turns into a bad one. I thought this would go away after several years of having assistants, but if just goes to show you that we are all human and we all struggle with some of the basic things in our life, relationships. Relationships are very difficult. Even though I cannot get rid of my assistants because I need them on a day-to-day basis for physical help and sometimes advice, we figured out that I can have 45 minutes alone by myself if needed and eventually maybe longer and two hours alone if I am with a friend or family member. This is another part of living on my own that I did not realize would be so important to emphasize in this blog.

To the average person, it may not seem like a big deal, but everyone needs their time and space. When I had my time and space for the first time since we figured out this new arrangement, I thought about something we talked about in my writing class. We talked about the quote, “Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away”. Though the author is unknown, it is a very powerful quote. It reminded me that even when I am going through a difficult time with an assistant, that there are always solutions to problems even though it may not seem that way at first. And I have a lot to grateful for.

I am grateful that they are there to help me. I am going back once again to the Spring to Dance Festival in St. Louis, and to visit family with one of my assistants. I am hoping that I will have less times when I get angry with my assistants if I implement these break times in my life. I plan to continue with the new system even when I am on vacation because my assistant and I figured out we will be together for almost 100 hours over the period of time we are on vacation. After I have had these breaks for a month or so, I will tell you how it is going because maybe when and if you are living on your own it might be something good for you as well to think about. I am by no means trying to tell you what to do, I am just giving you a helpful tip that might be beneficial to you.

In addition to the Spring to Dance Festival, I will be going back to Horizon Camp this summer. I will be a part of the Disability Pride Parade, both walking in it and dancing with Momenta, the dance company I am a part of. I will also be taking part in a summer intensive with Momenta, based upon the Humphrey technique. Doris Humphrey was a dancer and choreographer of the early 20^th century who focused on the concepts of fall and recovery.

Finally, Paula will once again be coming to spend a long weekend with me. I can hardly wait! And oh yes, the best news ever! I will be spending a whole week with Paula because she is coming to Horizon Camp with me this summer! It is still hard to believe.

If that isn’t enough, just a few short days ago I received the best package ever. It was from a school that I spoke at recently. I was so confused. The package was really big and I already received my paycheck. Did I forget something there? I said to myself “I think I had everything with me that day. What could this be?” I opened the package to find thirty something letters from 4^th, 5^th, and 6^th graders expressing their appreciation to me on how much they liked my presentation and that they learned a lot. I was having a bad day with an assistant, and this turned my whole day around. It is little things like that that can change a person’s whole day and reminded me why I am creating this business of public speaking. My new business is officially called “Good Life Designer”. It incorporates my public speaking, my passion for helping people plan for their futures, and my ability and passion for choreographing integrated dances.

So, as you can see, I have a lot to be grateful for this month, and I am grateful for all of you!

-Jessi

Dancing Through Life

There has not been much going on in my life that is new since I last wrote, so I decided to steer this month’s post in a different direction. At the end of the summer, Larry Ippel will be retiring after close to 40 years of working at the Academy of Movement and Music, and Momenta. He was one of my very first dance teachers at Momenta when I started there 7 years ago.

So, I wanted to share with you the thoughts I wrote for him to say “Thank you” before he retired. Now that the weather is finally becoming beautiful once again, I want to encourage all of you to grow in whatever capacity that may mean. Whether it be learning something new for yourself or for the benefit of others. And THANK YOU Larry for helping me to learn and become a better dancer! I will miss you! Here is the note I wrote to him:

It’s a beautiful thing when we dance through life, the people we come across. One man, who has made a big influence in my life when it comes to music and dance, as a whole is Larry Ippel. He was the first person who choreographed for me when I started dancing at Momenta.

He made a special truck for me, so my wheelchair could fit in it while I was on stage. Larry also admired the fact that my wheelchair sat up in an upright position, so he created a cathead and it looked like I was a yawning cat as I slowly went up and down in an upright position. He has always seen the beauty in every dancer in the academy for that matter. He helped me from the start become musically aware of the counts, though I found it very difficult from the beginning to find my space on stage; he was always very patient with me because I think he knew I would eventually get it.

I am happy that I was able to improve my timing and ability as a dancer because in the beginning I didn’t know if I could and became frustrated at this, over the years he has helped me with choreographing ideas to make my dances even better along with dancing in and out of my wheelchair. For I am extremely blessed because I came to find that in dancing in and out of my wheelchair has its own gifts and experiences, because of this I have been able to elaborate on this when I knew this was the case.

When dancing to the right music I feel free and at peace. Unfortunately there are not many teachers that see the gifts that people with disabilities have, Larry is one of them and he will be missed by a lot of people.

Thank you Larry for encouraging me never to give up!

Love,

Jessi

P.S. - Tomorrow I am doing my first professional speaking gig at Hoover Math and Science Academy! I am so excited! I cannot believe it is already here!